The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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