I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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