An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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