I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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