I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
