what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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