well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
