Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
