we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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