He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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