even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
