I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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