we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize