Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
