The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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