sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
