I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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