dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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