If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
