If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im just a social blackout drinker.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize