ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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