Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
