We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
