so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
