I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
