I accidentally had phone sex last night
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
