I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
