White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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