I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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