I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
