But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize