Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
