Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
