I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize