if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
