If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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