maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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