you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
