you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
