At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish there were birth control emojis
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
