You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I love you. Go after that dick
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
