I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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