Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
