We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
