I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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