My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She even gives head with a lisp.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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