I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
