I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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