Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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