allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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