Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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