I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
