Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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