ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
