i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
