What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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