I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
