he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize