all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
