Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
