my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
