Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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