Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
