Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
