guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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