well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
