put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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