Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
