Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
