it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
