when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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