If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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