I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
