yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
