Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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