he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize