I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize