just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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