So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
