mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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