This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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