She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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