I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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