Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
