Moan for me like Helen Keller
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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