Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
