i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
