Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
