Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
