he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
