i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
