Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
