Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
