There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize