From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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