So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
