If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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