would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
