i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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