I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Terrible idea I love it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
