Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
